@TheMichaelRock: I just found my old Nokia phone from 2003. It still has 87% battery life left.
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@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
@murrman5: *put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*
@warhorse76: My mom used to make sure we were wearing our seatbelts in the back seat by slamming on the brakes. She was a kind soul.