@TheMichaelRock: I just found my old Nokia phone from 2003. It still has 87% battery life left.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like a man who notices things. ME: [trying to impress] Your eyebrows make you look like an Angry Bird.
@mattZillaaaa: I'm 30 but I still feel like I'm 20 Until I hang out with 20 year olds Then I'm like no, never mind, I'm 30
@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers