@GaryJanetti: I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?
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@InternetHippo: *phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad
@stephenjmolloy: [Gameshow] Host: "You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?" Me: "With my hands." Host: "Correct!" *crowd goes nuts*
@thatdutchperson: Times when the world seems different somehow: - being in your elementary school as an adult - being in a pool when it rains - train stations at night - when the ghost of the girl who died in your building tells you to get out or die - walking through fresh snow by yourself
@ClichedOut: Me: I have an imaginary gf. Therapist: U can do better than that. M: I know, it's just-- T: I was talking to her.