@GaryJanetti: I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?
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@Bizarro_Mark: Do not tell a kid you didn't understand his joke unless you have 4 hours free to hear the explanation.
@NoTheOtherJohn: [God is taking a nap] Prankster Angel: Um yea hi, Abraham? This is God. *trying super hard not to laugh* You need to kill your son.
@gaynorlsimpson: How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you? Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you?