@NotJPo: In my house there are 5 females, 9423 pony tail holders, 49 bottles of nail polish, 8 justin bieber posters & 1 very patient, worn down man.
@djdarrellripley: Me: You're so selfish!
Her: I'm selfless! I spent the last 4 weekends giving back to my community.
Me: Oh Please, that was court-ordered..
@ArfMeasures: DATE: What's your favourite movie?
ME: Kill Bill
DATE: Oh. I prefer things more sophisticated
ME [long pause] Killiam William
@theroyaltramp: When I was little I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
*looks around* I guess I should have been more specific.
@CulturedRuffian: My favorite part of riding an elevator is staring at my phone while avoiding eye contact with the person I just tried to close the doors on.
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