@theshamingofjay: I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
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@ChrisScarlette: "just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse" -A dinosaur, 66 million years ago
@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
@ericsshadow: "Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."