@corinnemlwsw: I just had my tubes tied, and now I'm........inconceivable.
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@philco816: Note on the bed side table read "this isn't working," but I put a quarter in and the bed still vibrates. I don't know what her problem was.
@BoogTweets: Judas: *Sips wine* Great, water again, very funny Jesus:HAHA I got you! Judas: So glad this is our last supper Jesus: what? Judas: what?
@OtherDanOBrien: [Lady is being robbed] "Help, Social Media Man!" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]
@JKickinit30: It's amazing when you hug someone you haven't seen in decades. It's also embarrassing when it's not the person you thought it was.