@DanMentos: I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life then turned around and the toilet was empty. Needless to say I completely lost my shit
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@CoatCzech: Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me.
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.
@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.