@DanMentos: I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life then turned around and the toilet was empty. Needless to say I completely lost my shit
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@JKNenagh: I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..
@Beatonm5: skippin the intro of a game and then realizin you have no idea what the objectives are just walking round aimlessly hoping something pops up
@Marlebean: Hostess:There's a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It'll be 43 min