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@allforandrea: I just hit a Smart car and now it's my hood ornament.
@ericONEderful: Instead of neutering my dog I just make him wear crocs.
@SufficientCharm: A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
@sfreeze6: I want to be a large, Southern black woman who fans herself in church when I grow up.
@TheRealNickKay: [MURDER TRIAL]
JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt?
MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That's correct.