@rolldiggity: I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
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@Mr_Kapowski: If you wear a cape to a meal, you can spin it around to the front and have a full sized bib for eating
@_troyjohnson: Son, my best advice is to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. She knows how to make bad decisions and stick with them.
@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"
@rickygervais: Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need.