@sixfootcandy: I just left a pregnancy test box in my brother's bathroom to mess with him and his new girlfriend.
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@truegritrumble: ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor.
@PyrBliss: I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
@shimmala: My kids are gonna be super disappointed when they find out sweet talk involves no exchange of tangible confectionary goods.
@krispythehuman: A cooked human contains around 81500 calories, enough to feed me for 2 months. Anyways hi, I'm Krispy & this is my first time speed dating.