@MrGeorgeWallace: I just love that new Pope smell.
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@GreenishDuck: Text your dad "egg salad sandwich" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.
@tastefactory: I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up.
@therealeatwood: [Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we “synchronize our cycles.”