@LindaInDisguise: I just opened a marketing email from Fitness magazine and my computer died laughing.
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@LionJenkins: Her: Babe! Be careful! The stove is hot! Me winking and leaning on the stove: You're Hot, Baby. 911: What's your emergency?
@notalogin: On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you're in there for, say "the food" so all the other prisoners know you're a loose cannon.
@djdarrellripley: Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I'm leaving you my name & number. Signed, Guess Who.