@LindaInDisguise: I just opened a marketing email from Fitness magazine and my computer died laughing.
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@living_marble: "Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!" "Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?" "ARISE!"
@Rollinintheseat: Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell "She's right there!" every time she comes on the screen until you're escorted out of the theater.
@AnOrangeSNES: Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test? 1) Yes Δ) No %) I love you guys M) 8 •) Potato
@aveuaskew: Is this one haunted? "No" What about that one? "Ma'am, none of the booze is haunted" What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!