@Ready_Set_Nope: I just overheard my kid muttering "I'm sorry you had to see that" to a stuffed toy. It's probably best not to ask what "that" was right?
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@kayleighpuget: "Am I the only one who-?" There are over 7 billion people on earth. No. No you're not the only one.
@KevinBuffalo: Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat.
@velcrofannypack: Directions: avoid contact with eyes "It's Ok, Shampoo, I feel shy sometimes too."
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser