@AGreaterMonster: I just ran for the train so I think I'm good on running for a couple years.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat
@LostFelicia: Hey y'all, I finally got a smart phone. I'm a big girl now! Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice.