@yungshoelace: i just saw a black girl rt one of those teenage girl accounts saying "i honestly wish I was a teen in the 50's".......... no u don't
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@weinerdog4life: I scream, you scream, my puppet screams, my other puppet screams, the waiter screams, this is the worst first date ever
@Vodkantots: So do people not like it when you tell them they could totally do better after meeting their spouse? Flattery is hard.
@Ideal_Victoria: On the list of things I've learned today: 1. You're not allowed to walk a police dog 2. Pepper spray recovery time is 37 minutes
@ArfMeasures: ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal