@Furry_Beaver: I just saw a guy take a bite out of a kitkat without breaking it apart first. Listen sir, society has rules. Adhere to them please.
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@amselts: GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*
@RocketRankoon: My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
@causticbob: I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.