@ShaeAaron: I just sent a text that says "we really need to talk" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.
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@ashleyaustrew: You have -4 min to cook. Your ingredients are: Goldfish An apple w/ 1 bite out of it Chicken you didn't thaw 7 Legos - Chopped: Moms Edition
@SuperRandomish: Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.
@heytherecore: [Dinner with GF's parents] Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom? "MAY I use the bathroom" *slams fists down* I ASKED FIRST