@ShaeAaron: I just sent a text that says "we really need to talk" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.
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@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat dude. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - …"
@funnybeachgirl: I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.
@jrza84: HI I'M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU.
@TheBoydP: Wife: Where'd you buy my gift? Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right? Me: Coupon? *wife faints*