@ramenfuneral: I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I'm going to dye.
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@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.