@ramenfuneral: I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I'm going to dye.
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@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
@Cheeseboy22: If you're wondering what all these scratches on my chest are from, it's because my cat hates to get in the hot tub with me.
@Marcmywords2: You can tell a lot about a person by what they swallow first when a cop pulls um over.
@KeetPotato: "what's your most cherished memory keith?" [looks at my wife and baby in crowd with loving smile] [leans into mic] i heard a dog laugh once