@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
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@AlexRogaski: [God making African animals] Screw it. Just put stripes on a horse, make that water lizard really big, and put spots on a really tall deer.
@Dr_awfulpants: [at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'
@UncleDuke1969: *draws a line in the sand* *looks at the line in the sand* *decides that it might be time to vacuum*