@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
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@BritXNic: Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back.
@MrEd_EVH: I'm gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it
@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.