@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
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@FattMernandez: I got a bracelet that posts where I ran, and how far to facebook, and I put it on a deer. So it just looks like I'm lost in the woods.
@danabrit: I'm writing code, not making diamonds. Continuing to apply more and more pressure will not produce a better outcome.
@AClkwrkStarfish: The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn't understand quite so well.
@weinerdog4life: I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner