@philyuck: I just told my dog to "say hi" to another dog. And yes, I realize that's crazy; this chihuahua obviously only speaks Spanish.
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@CheryeDavis: I'm perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince...But I draw the line at kissing snakes.
@ojedge: [red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]
@onion_an: Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
@trojansauce: KID: are you sure this will work? ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?