@philyuck: I just told my dog to "say hi" to another dog. And yes, I realize that's crazy; this chihuahua obviously only speaks Spanish.
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@heyevergreen: My boss threw a Snickers at me and I caught it one handed so I think I'd be a good athlete if sports were played with candy bars
@JeffSarcastic: [dinner negotiations] Wife: where do you want to go to eat? Me: ugh Wife: Me: you pick Wife: I'm craving kale Me: I'll pick