@KentWGraham: I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.
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@RogueGod: After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t.
@TheMichaelRock: The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.
@zachheltzel: "You'll have more fun in high school, Zach."nn"You'll have more fun in college, Zach."nn"You'll have more fun in Hell, Zach."
@Anon_o_Mom: My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room.