@Just_Oh_Susanna: I just want to look as good as Madonna does now when I've also been dead for 27yrs.
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@iGreenMonk: Son:Dad, what is 'creeping inflation'? Father:It's when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit.
@aSapCoolDad: *shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race
@pdxjohnny99: This tweet has been brought to you by... ...Stay Free Maxi-pads... ...When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.
@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.