@SoulYodeler: I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.
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@TomTheWicked: Boss: What's for lunch? Me: Food. B: What kind of food? M: The kind you eat. B: ... M: ... B: ... Me: You hired me. This is your fault.
@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
@dumbbeezie: How to handle a one night stand the next morning 1. Put on Titanic 2. He's gone, that's it
@whereami18: Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I'd also be responding to all texts they receive.They've been well behaved since.