@CroweJam: I just woke up and scared the hell out of this mortician.
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@rmfnord: Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch.
@Vice_Queen: Romantic movies taught me that you always have to walk out after a big argument so that 6yrs later you can meet by chance and get married.
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@fro_vo: Waiter: how were your steak and eggs Me: just okay Waiter: oh no Me: you could say they were Waiter: please no Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker