@venomjunkie2: I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.
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@retardedwriter: Never understood the desperation behind placing ur order in English at KFC/McD. Heard a guy practicing his order while sanding in the queue.
@_Tempo11: Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: "I'm so sorry"
@aparnapkin: "Women are crazy!" "Did one try to murder you unprovoked?" "No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."
@hadafewbeers: Whenever someone says "I don't have a horse in that race" I respond with "You don't have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes."