@doooiiiit: I keep my wine glasses on the top shelf to make sure I stretch daily.
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@Douchekevin: I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew. So I keep the curtains closed.
@zorgod: I fear one day my gf will figure out every romantic thing I say to her is a line from Brokeback Mountain.
@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
@jharden21: Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties