@419BillE: I knew I saw you the moment I laid eyes on you
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@WilliamAder: The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.
@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
@pharmasean: If youre giving mouth-to-mouth, and you don’t want to get germs, you can put a harmonica between your lips and the victim’s
@bobvulfov: [hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say