@cjcapbt: I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn't tear away ..
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@jennalynn518: Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.
@1_swarthy_dude: Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width.
@djdarrellripley: I'm the kindest, sweetest person you'll ever meet. However, if someone was having a seizure in my bathtub, I'd probably throw in my laundry.