@WetzelGeek: I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: When I saw "likes music" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!
@lazerdoov: *wakes up in a cold sweat* Ohhhh OVERALLS because you wear them over all your other clothes
@TweetsByTheTony: El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
@SamuelHLowe: - Do you take a shower after having sex? - Yes, of course. - Well, how about getting laid a little more often.