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@ThinkingSavage: 'I know a black person'
- White people
@CliffDuffy: Doctor: How did you get all those bruises?
Me: Rough sex
Doctor: That looks unhealthy and should stop
Me: Talk to your nurse about that
@nice_mustard: yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there's a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you'll wake him up
@Reverend_Scott: [praying mantis home]
"Happy Mother's Day, mom"
Aww, thank u, son
"Mom, why did Dad leave?"
[turns head away 180°]
I was hungry
@NYC_Blonde: If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa "I'm a Slave 4 U" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real.
@Blonde4Dayz: The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield.