@SonOfCha: I know a guy who doesn't love Raymond.
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@grimpossible: If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.
@Goofpoops: Life hack : Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:
@krisv_723: Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "