@bridger_w: I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is
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@MikeBigby: Idiom update: "the pot calling the kettle black" is now "the guy from Aerosmith accusing a dude of looking like a lady"
@MmeSurly: My favorite thing about famous people is that they can be "brave" and "daring" by just leaving the house in stupid looking clothes.
@skwunt: Told my British pal I wanted him to take me to pound town. Well, we are at the dollar store if anyone needs anything.
@SortaBad: After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.