@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.
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@ojedge: [date] Me: 'Don't let her know ur a boxing ring announcer…' Her: "Shall we order dessert?" Me: "LET'S GET READY TO EAT APPLE CRUUUUMBLE!"
@Demented_Jokes: I always keep a baseball bat under my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me.