@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.
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@djdarrellripley: Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?
@jngraphs: When I had no money, I had few friends, but no enemies Btw, I still have no money, in case you were thinking of becoming my friend or enemy
@Quartzjixler: Shipwreck survivors on an island S1: We told you to spell 'SOS' with those coconuts! S2: I know but I want our rescuers to know I'm a vegan.
@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.