@CaseyMichelle__: I know I'm in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
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@DamonHunzeker: If you're able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
@nihilist_arbys: Before arbys gets sucked into the sun with the rest of the earth and everything you've ever known or loved, please come eat some of our crap
@ParentNormal: Made a pact w/ my wife that if we’re 40 & kids haven’t stopped whining, we’ll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can’t find us
@PetrickSara: This other mom was complaining about being so sick that her MIL took the kids for a few days. KID FREE for DAYS! So I licked her face.