@Dutch_50: I know it's illegal to launder money, so I've decided to stop doing laundry entirely. Just to be on the safe side.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
@AndyRichter: If you are considering buying some guy’s program that promises to make you rich in the stock market or real estate, ask yourself why does the guy need to make money off of selling you a program if he's figured out how to get rich in the stock market or real estate?
@kumailn: Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time.
@PerfectPending: Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent. All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it