@online_shawn: I know it's so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks
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@EndhooS: [1st day seal clubbing] Me: OMG this is awful Guy: [choking back tears] I know right? Me: [feeding MDMA to a seal pup] There isn't even a DJ
@NotthatAdamWest: "Bless your heart" is southern for "I'm pretty sure you were dropped on your head as a child."
@AndyAsAdjective: [my kid, literally every school morning] "I hate mornings. I'm not getting up" [1st day of summer vacation] "dad, can we watch the sunrise"
@ArfMeasures: CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small