@JElvisWeinstein: I know my computer doesn't have a virus because I've never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
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@shutupmikeginn: Ghost of Caesar: and what of my legacy? what now bares my name? Buildings? Mountains? Me:uhh remember how you used to love romaine lettuce?
@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
@ramenfuneral: me: one time i almost got trampled to death in a mosh pit kid: did you die? me: hmm