@JElvisWeinstein: I know my computer doesn't have a virus because I've never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
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@myles_morrison: If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think "now it's their problem."
@dadtellsjokes: Dad:I don't trust those trees..... Son: Why? What do you mean? Dad: They seem kind of shady
@bingowings14: Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir. Man in car: But that's a balloon. Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it'll soon be a dog.
@MUMSIEesq: [Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!