@DothTheDoth: I know Taco Bell doesn't have "I hate myself" sauce yet. But they should. They should.
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@MarfSalvador: Cop: He's getting away! Quickly, cut him off! Criminal: Get outta my— Rookie: STOP TALKING
@DrawingShadows: Going to a bar within walking distance of my house reduces the likelihood that I will wake up partially clothed behind a dumpster tomorrow.
@Jesssicle: Why are hemorrhoid and diarrhea so hard to spell? Like if you're talking about them, you aren't having a rough enough time already.
@bazecraze: The whole purpose of travel is to return home and discover what your house actually smells like.