@KKBowls: "I know what you look like naked" - me to my girlfriends identical twin sister, every single time I see her.
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@SamClark_23: This girl sitting next to me gave herself an insulin shot in class yesterday & the girl next to her said “can you like not do that right now” she replied with “um no Debra I’d like to live”
@HallpassCanada: Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you're standing outside watching your house burn.
@TheBeerGuy73: *goes to the gym* *takes a selfie & posts it on Facebook for the wife to see* *hurries to the bar*