@KKBowls: "I know what you look like naked" - me to my girlfriends identical twin sister, every single time I see her.
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@Douchekevin: Wife said she was 'retaining water' and I said I'd wondered who drained the swimming pool. Been 4 days and I'm still hiding in the attic
@jonnysun: *touches a turtel* *dies* *touches a plant* *dies* wow mario are u allergic to evreything or wat
@thenoahkinsey: SOON I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR HEROES AND TAKE MY PLACE AS YOUR WORLD LEADER BUT FIRST WHAT IS YOUR MOM'S CASSEROLE RECIPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL