@Cheeseboy22: I know you're not supposed to hug the old lady giving out samples at Costco, but the sausage she gave me had cheese inside. Cheese.In.Side.
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@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by] "Imma run up and ask her out" [one block later still not caught up] "Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"
@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars journal] day 1: rob and I have enough oatmeal to last us 300 days day 2: I ate rob
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko