@MartaEffing: I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.
@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
@dru0887: If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it's because they've just killed someone right?