@dumbbeezie: I learned everything I need to know from cats. When things get sketchy, run like hell and then stop and groom yourself
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@vikkaroni: Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves.
@flashember: [Stock market crashes] "Oh no, I better check on my investments!" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]