@JermHimselfish: I leave notes around the house to remind me of things I need to do, like "Pick up milk" or "Pay gas bill" or "Stop wasting your life away"
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@captainkalvis: DATE: I think marriage is sooo beautiful ME: *trying to impress her* well my wedding is tomorrow you should come
@SortaBad: Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around
@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.