@KKBowls: I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'
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@ProdigyNelson: *girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* "oh no" *I start building a deck* "what have you done" *grill turns itself on*
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
@Cheeseboy22: Overheard in 2nd grade class today: "Do your work! Santa's watching right now." "Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago."
@AnkCoupleTO: [mall food court] Me: *stomach rumbling* OMG not now Brain: Too bad you hate using public washrooms My White Undies: Sweet baby jesus no