@KKBowls: I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'
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@RBColl: Have you ever looked at someone's phone's selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?
@cool_as_heck: Boy: I wish more girls liked farming Girl: I like farming Boy: Lol oh yeah? Name the 5 most water-efficient irrigation systems of the 1980s
@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.
@murrman5: [senses date is losing interest in me] "my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"