@cuntrystronggal: "I like cooking my family and my pets." Use commas. Don't be a psycho.
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@Dawn_M_: If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
@JLazySAngus: Naming a dog after alcohol is cute until they run away and you scream their name until your neighbor brings you a bottle to shut you up.
@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app