@tiemespankme: I like long walks along the beach until the drugs wear off & I realize I'm actually crawling through the sand at the local construction site
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Dwarven_Cleric: People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: So, hypothetically speaking, if we were dating would I get any free food? Her: Uh, excuse me? Me: *sigh* #1 combo with cheese, please.
@Calliejacobson: So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not fergalicious.
@Ideal_Victoria: [At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?