@BareChesty: I like long walks away from everyone
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@XplodingUnicorn: My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
@kwirkyKerri: Even the coffee is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Wait...am I being poisoned? *drinks it anyway*
@fakedansavage: Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate