@longwall26: I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh.
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@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@SalimAliAhmad: Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
@briangaar: Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]
@Shock_Monster: Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting.