@longwall26: I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh.
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@just1fool: My daughter asked me if it was illegal to be blind which tells me I didn't explain "legally blind" very well.
@liv_thatsme: person: don’t worry. having sex is like riding a bike. *remembering lying in several ditches on the side of the road throughout my life* me: OH SHIT.
@CantWaitToNap: When a cop talks to you about Miranda, he's not inviting you for a three-way... I know this now.