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@travisauruss: I like my pizza like I like my pizza: pizza
@Michael1979: Important new ad I stuck up in town today. Experts only, please.
@Brampersandon_: ADELE: hello from the outside
ME (closing blinds): a restraining order means nothing to that woman
@UnFitz: The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.
@CourtneyBale: Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.
@SallingsSam: For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet.