@kDuncanG: I like my women like I like my bamboo: graceful, strong, and constantly in threat of being eaten by pandas.
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@envydatropic: My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same.
@markydoodoo: It's hard to think about mama johns staying home with all the children johns while papa johns are away at pizza wars.
@Sickayduh: Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him