@MakeYourBedlam: I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"
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@Book_Krazy: Hub: What time is our movie tonight? Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"
@imdaintyaf: [Dog yoga class] Teacher: Alright, let's go into downward human pose [Dogs hunch over and start pretending to text]
@stockejock: Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
@SteveKoehler22: I got fired from my job as a diesel fitter in a panties factory. We would hold the panties up, inspect them and say "Dese'll fit her"